Confessions.... the day before the half marathon

Time to do some confessions... & I may have to focus on my race tomorrow & confess some of my thoughts about it today... let my blog be my therapist today...

~ I'm scared to death.  I don't normally get scared about a race, but I'm scared. & I hate that I'm scared.

no no no no no... this kind of thinking has to stop

 

~ I think I'm having flashbacks to the race last year where I woke up & my back pain was so severe that I couldn't do the race... so now, I'm nervous that my back is going to pull a sit-in-protest again on me.  I've trained all these weeks with back pain... what's one more day - right?

~ I hate saying "race"... To me, it will NEVER be a race.  I'm not that good or fast. 

~ I keep doubting myself... but have to remember I did train (except the last 2 weeks) & I did get up to 10 miles.. I should be prepared... right?

I really need to snap out of it!!!

~My upper lip has been twitching like crazy since yesterday.  I refuse to look it up on WebMD so I don't feel like I've gone some sort of horrible disease.  But I think its my nerves kicking in.  I know anxiety causes a LOT of 'twitches'

~ I will say, I'm excited about the race expo today. I'm on the hunt for some Honey Stinger products, & a contraption that holds my cell phone while I run - preferably a hand held one.  I've only seen one in the back of running magazines to order.  Even Amazon doesn't have the one I'm wanting. 

~ Also hoping they have KT Tape people at the expo ... I may get in line to have them tap my back.  I am good at taping my knee, but my back?  It always pops off when its on the low back.  I need to know their trick.

~ I have the worst sore throat now & am freaking out thinking I'm getting sick on top of EVERYTHING ELSE... really?

~ I think you all can tell how honestly crazy this half marathon is making me... I've NEVER been like this before...

~ I saw a preview of the medal online ( just a small glimpse)... what is it about a medal that makes me willing to put my body in extreme pain just to hang it on my wall?

~ I have to do a practice for a skit only 3 hours after the race... where I have to toss a young lady across the stage & jump & move dramatically... last time we practiced, I was so sore in my obliques from all the moving sideways over & over... doing this practice for 3 hours after a half marathon?  I may be checking myself in the hospital after the skit is performed (twice) on Easter...

I'll say this to everyone during practice on Saturday :)

~ I'm taking money for a massage after the race

~ The one good thing about being slow & near the back, hopefully the massage table lines will be short.

~ I want to not focus on time... I want to just focus on surviving (I make it sound like I'm being chased by a lion or something), making it to the end, as pain free as possible... however, whatever that looks like

~ I need to remind myself to "stick with the plan" - I have a tendency to have a pace planned & then get all caught up in the atmosphere & take out too quick & am dead by mile 10... I can't do that this time.

~ I usually like to start in the middle of the pack.  I think I'm going to start near the back - that way, I'm not being passed so much at the beginning, draining my emotional side of "I'm such a loser"... & just get used to being at the back of the pack. 

~ I need to remember that no matter what happens, its not life or death... its just another day, its just another run... it doesn't define me...

Wish me luck!!!