Doing what works for me... even if you dont see it...

Warning:  honest post ahead!

The past weekend, I got to see some familiar faces -faces of people that I love.

One of those people I love - she has been dropping weight like Kanye drops a rude interruption on people. 

She has been taking those hormone drops that have been all the rage.  They are working for her.  She has been shedding the weight like sweat dripping off of my back during a hard work out.

& that right there is where the honesty starts coming out.

She's shedding weight like its nothing... & I'm the one dripping sweat & having to fight food addictions & muddling through.

I'm fighting & balancing food & struggling & while I am loosing weight, its slow... & no where near the numbers she's dropping.

Internal screaming happened a lot while listening to her explain how these drops were working for her & to watch everyone just sit around & talk about how they need to get their hands on these drops & try it for themselves.

All the people are looking at her & googling & oohing & aahhing on her & saying how good she looks & asking her how she feels.

She's just like, "it just takes away cravings for food"

... that's it...

ask me what I'm doing & I'll tell you how I have to balance proteins & carbs & am limited to an amount of food during a day & working my butt off at least 30 minutes a day with one day off for rest.

If I were to tell people what I'm doing, do you think they would have that same instinct to run out & get some work out clothes & little colored containers & want to start on it instantly?  ... yeah... me either

And then I see she's eating... normal foods... there's even cake around.

& I'm coming to this place drinking a protein shake so I will be semi-full & not WANT a piece of cake.

I know 12 lbs isn't much & probably not even that noticeable... but it just frustrated me so much.   How easy it can be for others.... & how hard I have to work for the smallest of results.

I don't mean this to sound like a whiney post - just like I said, an honest one.

I just keep trying to think that I'm doing what I need to do for me.

I mean, I wouldn't take those hormone drops for anything in the world anyways. No offense to anyone who has or is doing them.  Truly.  For me, I don't trust them. They don't seem natural to me - even if people say that they ARE natural.  But I'm the person who doesn't even like to take an aspirin must less take something that is supposed to curb my appetite.  I'm too much of a naturalist for that.

& I know my progress is slower... but I'm making lifestyle changes.  I'm learning how to adjust to this long term.  I'm learning to be healthy inside & out.

So I will admit, I left that place feeling really down on myself & frustrated... but the more I thought about it, the more my mind eased up & the more I actually became proud of me.

I truly am happy for this person who has lost all her weight too... I'm sure she has her moments & her own struggles in certain areas....its all about cheering others on!

So today, if you see others & you feel frustrated & aggravated at your own progress, remember you have to do you... only you... what only works for you.

And I'll be doing me... slowly & surely....

End of 2nd Round in 21 Day Fix....

Another 3 weeks down... another 21 days down...

& I am down... 9 lbs!

YAHOOOO!!!!!

I lost another 3 lbs in this round.  Lost another inch in my waist & another inch in my hips.

It's funny because now its not like I'm thinking about 'another round' - it just sort of feels like "life"... the point of 21 days is anything can become a habit if you do it for 21 days.  For me, it may be 42 days... but it's kicked in.

I don't look at food the same.

I see colored containers when I see foods.

I know when too much is too much.

I know when my body needs water.

I don't freak out when my stomach growls... I know its time to eat a healthy snack & not gorge on junk.

I know the limits on my body working out - & when to push those limits.

It's been a learning experience - for sure.

This weekend had me running with my C25K program... & then a good walk for a photo session. 

It's pretty bad though when you do an incline with photo clients & you're huffing & puffing.  Even worse when that client is 8 months pregnant & she takes the hills better then me.  I see what I need to work on next.

Side note - I hate hills.

Highlights of the weekend:

* I think I ate a whole container of blueberries in 2 days.
* Veggie enchiladas from Chuy's are THE BEST!!!
* I STILL haven't had a York peppermint patty - since June 1st.  I almost feel like its like a drug to me now. I want one but afraid if I eat one, I'll be hooked again. #foodaddictionisreal
* I want to spend every weekend in running shorts
* I find myself doing all my shopping at Sam's Club now in their Product section - talk about clean eating!

What was the highlight of your weekend?

Healthier Pets

I am a dog mom...

& I take that seriously.

I truly feel like my dogs are my babies. Some people think their pets are pets. Nope. Mine are not. They are part of my family & I worry about them, I take care of them the best I can, I want the best for them.

Well, we started a bad habit with Harvey Dent.  Since he's always getting into trouble, I learned the art of distraction.  Distraction via Raw Hide chews. 

It kept him focused on something he was allowed to chew on, it was keeping his teeth nice & pearly white... so Harvey ended up getting a rawhide after dinner & was able to chew on it until bed time.  & mercy - let me tell you Harvey waits expectantly for that chewy goodness.  He won't let you forget that its RAWHIDE TIME!!!

What's the harm?

Except something started going around on facebook about how dangerous raw hides are.

Now, I'm not dumb... I always was aware of the choking hazard & I always stay next to him while he's chewing them... & when they got to a certain size, we would throw them away.

But its a different kind of hazard.

The kind that involves chemicals & bleach & everything I don't want a family member of mine to be involved with.

So I've been on the hunt for all natural raw hides & all the good things they can chew on.  Most of it is smelly & gross & things I cant believe I let in my house as a vegetarian. 

The things you do for your kids.

But my dogs have all gotten excited because instead of treats lately, they've been getting things like carrots & apples... & THEY LOVE IT.

Bruno - my chubby man - comes RUNNING when he knows an apple is being cut. 

& last night as I was getting my carrots ready for work lunch, Bruno was on his hind legs begging for some of those cool orange crunchy treats.

& if a sweet potato is hanging around?  They will clean the peel down to nothing.

I've really been on the hunt now to see what is good... what is bad. Like I know grapes, mushrooms, onions - a BIG NO NO!!!!  & I learned apple seeds & watermelon rinds are a big NO too...

But so many good things they can still have...

My dogs are going to be vegetarian yet.

... & Harvey just shook his head no...

Harvey Not Amused face

I finished my first BeachBody program.... & I felt defeated....

Let me tell you, it was a roller coaster of emotion.

Not probably in the way you think.

First, I got really emotional going through the last work out. 

Now, I know I have the DVD's - its not like I'm loosing a friend that I'll never see again. I can put the same DVD back in the player tonight & continue doing it... I get that.  But something about finishing the program.  Seeing that last work out on the charted calendar... it really was emotional for me. 

I made it... 9 weeks!

ME!  Making it 9 weeks!  That's saying something!

Those last 55 seconds of punches, it was the same emotion as you see the finish line ahead & you cross it... exactly the same feeling.

I did it.

I finished my first Beachbody program.  Good on you! ... as Dan Cohen says at the end of it.

Talk about a high!

.... & then the low....

I thought, I'd never done this before.  I made it to the end.  Time to measure & see where I stand.

I pull out my card that I took weight & measurements when I began.

Let's just say life went downhill quickly, swiftly, rapidly.

Each measurement was awful.  The same, or increased.  My waist was the worst.  Gained 1 inch in my waist... gained a 1/2 inch each in my thighs. 

Are you freaking kidding me?

I took my before & after pictures... & that did me in.

I literally couldn't talk when the hubs asked me what was wrong.

I just felt so defeated.  No other word for it.

I invested 9 weeks of my time & its not like I truly expected results like I see on TV.  But to GAIN weight & GAIN inches? 

It's like, 'Why do I bother?'... but dear Lord, what would I look like if I didn't even bother at all?

... I ended up sitting on the couch watching the finale of The Flash with the hubs & then went to bed...with the sun still out.

I couldn't even deal with life.

... today is a new day... I'm still feeling frustrated.  Still feeling defeated.

But I wont give up.

Just throwing a pity party right now....

I'll be back at it though.. I know I will...

...But dang....

We'll see....

My 10k is tomorrow...

the race I've been excited to do all year....

& I'm sitting here still not sure if I'm doing it.

I still sound like Darth Vadar.  I still can't lean my head down without liquid pouring out of my nose.  I still can't walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for air & coughing up what really does look like part of my lung.  I still can't talk without coughing.  AND I still can't open my eyes all the way without getting a headache & having my face pound into my gums.

All of that sounds like good times, right?

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Just the timing of it.

I get so torn up about it thinking I'll do it anyways, even if I have a fever. 

& then my sweet friend Kristen who is also doing the race said in an email, if you aren't feeling good, don't make it worse for a silly race.

That made me feel so much better.

I take these races like they are something that REALLY matters ... or as something that almost gives me real WORTH in this world....

when really, its just a race....

its just another thing.

Kristen may have just sent me a quick reply with a quick answer, but it really eased my heart about the race.

I'm going down to pick up my race packet today, with the hopes I wake up in the morning & I feel fantastic... I'll settle for even 'half way decent'

but if I wake up & can't breath & I'm feeling that weak, shaky feeling still, then I'll watch the race on local TV & I'll make a warm cup of green tea & I'll just keep PRESSING ON to the next thing I set out to do...


I'll still be me...
a girl who tries her best.

Stupid head cold... I will get you...

So another day... another sniffling head... another moment of gasping for air...

head colds - sinus infections - whatever this thing is - it sucks!

Yesterday was so beautiful.

If it were an ordinary day, I would have ran home & put on some clothes & headed out for a run or walk, or whatever... just something to keep me out in the beautiful day.

Instead, I felt like I was basically sludging down the steps at work & threw myself in the car, feeling like I could barely hold my head up for the drive home.

Mercy.

But I did get a notice that Starbucks was having a buy one tea, get one free.  How can you NOT stop at Starbucks for a deal like that? 

$3.67 for two Venti's... I'll take it!

So I headed in & told myself that green tea is good for the immune system - right?  This was just medicine ... for my body & my soul...

I got home & changed clothes & just THOUGHT about working out... & was exhausted after just changing my clothes. 

Forget that.

So I took my green tea & sat outside & read a book for an hour.  Or at least read for about 15 minutes & just laid my head back for the other 45 minutes...

Ricky told me I need sleep to heal up, but I HATE trying to lay down when you can't breath.

But I did make some soup.

Soup is healthy when your sick - right?

& then I put on some Thieves on my feet & some other Essential Oils around my face to try & open up my sinuses.

I'm not great at how to use all these oils yet... obviously... or I may not have gotten sick in the first place.

Come to think of it - I've only GOTTEN sick since I started using these oils... hmmm...

anyways...

& finished my night with a Strawberry fresh fruit bar to ease my sore throat.

I'm trying all the natural things I can to try & beat this stupid thing.

I even traded in my coffee for another cup of antioxidant full tea.... with raw honey.

come on healthy things... kick in for me... QUICK!

Not a weekend for working out....

I keep seeing that a lot of you were having trouble working out this weekend due to weather & snow...

speaking of which, all of you up north... my heart cries for you. 2 feet of snow?  I think I'd dig a hole under a dozen blankets & not come out for a week....

Anyways - it wasn't nothing to do with weather on my end why I didn't work out...

It was because of a good reason...GRAND DUDES!!!!!

I hate the word "Grandchildren"... that makes me sound really old.
Their not "Grandbabies"... well, one is... the other two aren't.
They are all boys - so Grand-dudes it is... Or G-dudes...
Even G-babes works for me.  They are little babes. 

They traveled up from Nashville on Saturday morning & I probably COULD have found time to work out before they came up but I did something more productive ... made cookies.  I mean, you gotta have sweets sitting on your kitchen counter when grandbabies come in.

For the record, some of you all ask how I have grand-dudes....
Families are all sorts of mixtures anymore...
Well, my husband has 3 daughters... the oldest is only 10 years younger then me (my husband is 10 years older then me)... so while I'm 43, she's 33 - with 3 children... she made me a grandmother at the age of 36...

Being a 'young' grandmother, that's why I went with the name Nanny ...

That was before the name Glam-ma came out... that would have been pretty nice...

Ricky refused to let me take the name Princess. #partypooper

So, it was a weekend of chasing boys, picking up after them, LOTS of eating junk...

But I allow myself a Grand-dude pass...

it doesn't happen enough.

Back to the grind today....

2 bad phone calls....

This is how life is treating me lately

Yep... I started off the first week of the year with good intentions.

Walking Monday & Tuesday... & then life sorta came in the rest of the week

... & now, life is just laughing at me.

I had the goal of going home after work & getting back on my treadmill for a Monday...

but I got a phone call that first told me that my ribs are perfectly fine & now they have to do a scan of my liver.  I don't get it.  My liver enzymes were perfect... the doctor even told me "better then good" with how low they were. I'm not sure why they are looking at my liver.

They say liver & my mind instantly hears "this isn't going to be good"

Chalk it up to all the horror stories I read on WebMD or Google.

I was anxious about that phone call but then thought, if its going to hurt, I'm still going to work out...

& then I got a phone call again...

this time telling me my mom is in the ER with what they think is a stroke.
WHAT?
The right side of her face was drooping, along with her mouth & she was slurring her speech.  Luckily, my new sucky work place has a benefit - it is only 5 minutes from the hospital she was taken too...

she was right there in the hallway - yes, hallway... another story... & let's just say, working out was the last thing on my mind.  I didn't even get home until the moon was high in the sky & I had enough time to get cleaned up, grab a few hours of shut eye & headed right back out...

(as of this moment, she's still in the hospital getting a MRI done.... I'll know more soon)

But yeah... life hasn't started off well for us...

2015. I thought you were going to be my friend.  Not the evil cousin of 2014.

2015... we're not starting off on good terms

The best of both worlds?

We made it...

 

Well, I sort of made it. It's not over for me. We have our Christmas with our grand-dudes still to come... but the biggest part of it is over. (Except taking down all the decoration... ugh)

 

& we're heading into a new year...

 

Oh yeah, & I get older... my birthday is the 30th... tomorrow (depending on when you read this)

 

Lots happening.

 

As every one does at the end of the year, we reflect the year past & thing of how to make the next year even better.

 

I've been doing that with this blog as well.

 

if you didn't know, I am the owner of 2 blogs.  Call me Ms. Blog if you're nasty #janetjacksonreference

 

 

I started this blog with the intention of keeping my running, fitness, health stuff separate from my 'main' life blog.  I know they both intertwine, but I can normally talk about this stuff all day long & didn't want to mash up both worlds too much. 

 

I've met some amazing running friends through this blog & love having the different areas to talk about different things.

 

Saying that, I have been feeling the pressure of keeping up 2 blogs. 

 

Now, I'm not quitting this one.

 

 

But it may look different in 2015.

It may be more of a diary style thing to document my road & journey on getting back in shape, trying the running thing again, seeing how my back & knee holds up.  It may not be the wittiest blog (like it ever was) or the most entertainment blog (ditto again)... but I would love to still get encouragement & thoughts on my journal with fitness & how I'm still PRESSING ON!!!

 

But I also wanted to throw out there that I do blog usually every day on my 'home blog' about my life in general & fun things & get involved in link ups... so stop by there as well.  Get to know the real me in both worlds :)

 

I actually just purchased a domain name after blogging or 8 years on the other blog, so that will actually change to the name of the blog, "Knit by God's Hand"... but until then, it's the same at:

 

www.rebecca-belle.blogspot.com

 

You all think I'm joking when I say I'm Belle ... when I started blogging, that's the only thing I knew .. my name & my alias name :)

 

 

Hope I haven't confused a lot of you having 2 blogs.

 

I love when I get someone who visits here realize I have two & they are like, HOLD UP... but I hope you at least enjoy one or the other... or both of them...

 

I'll be back here with my 2015 fitness goals...

 

& my wishes for my life as I turn 43... what-WHAT?

Starting from scratch...

Remember those days when I was talking about running, or P90X, or T25...

ahh.. memories...

I have been out of this working out thing for awhile now.  Starting at the end of October. 

Vacation, injuries, sickness, ER visits with weird side pain (that's still aggravating)

Not to mention depression from the time change & darkness & cold... I seriously have SADD... to the biggest extent possible.

But I worked out... for the first time in what felt like forever this week.

It was a pretty easy work out.  Wanted to try out my compression sleeves & to do that, I actually had to sweat.

All I can say is .... DEAR LORD...

I felt like I had never worked out a day in my life.

I felt so freaking old.

I felt so out of shape.

I felt like crap.

I realize I'm back to the beginning.

But I've been there before... & I worked myself up... to even more injuries! :) yippee!
I'll get there again... with even more injuries!! yehhawww!!

I have the worst outlook on life sometimes.

Anyways, I even registered for a virtual 5k that kicks off 2015.

At least I'm headed in the right direction.
I'll take it slow.  I'll try to start working out a few nights a week.  Get myself ready to kick it in full gear Jan 1st...

2015 has just GOT to be a better year...

 

The story of my appendix...

First of all, can I say that I just love you all.... seriously... love you. 

The texts I got & the emails & the advice.  You all are so much better then WebMD... a whole lot less scarier too.  You all don't tell me with every click I'm basically going to die in a few days a horribly painful death.  Just one of the reasons why I love you all.

A lot of you suggested that I go have the doctor check my appendix.

Well... funny story...

I mentioned I had my gall bladder taken out back in 1996.  Well, when they got in there to take it out, guess what they found out...

my appendix had ruptured... like YEARS before...

Yep... seriously... years before.

& yes, people die from ruptured appendix.

I must be a pretty tough lady & I don't even know it.

My mom said when the doctor came out after my gall bladder surgery & told them that, she said she felt like the world's worst mother.  The doctor asked her if there was a time that I was horribly sick.... & mom thought back & we think we had it figured out.

Graduation.

Good ole high school graduation.

I was sicker then a dog.  I mean feeling awful.  A fever of like 103.

I went to my family doctor who I have gone to since I left my pediatrician & I begged him to get me to my high school graduation.  I just wanted to walk across that stage & get my diploma.   It's like the pinnacle of being a teenager - wearing that cap & gown.  Throwing your hat.  Being handed the diploma in front of your friends & family.

Get me there.

So my doctor promised I would get there & he dosed me up in mega doses of antibiotics.  I mean MEGA doses.

... & I made it...

I sat in my cap & gown & sort of really don't remember any of due to a fever that may or may not have caused hallucinations.  Did New Kids on the Block sing at my graduation or did I imagine it.  **

New Kids on the Block... it was the 90's...

& I was HANGING TOUGH!

Like what I did there?

Everyone was going to parties afterwards & I just found my parents in the crowd & had them take me back home & I stayed in bed for like the next week.  So I figure that all high school graduation parties are just like the movies - right?  I'll never know....

But that's the only time we think my appendix could have ruptured.

The doctor told me that all those mega doses of antibiotics are probably what saved my life from infection.

So yeah, appendix isn't an option in this case with my pain now...

& it sort of proves that I have super hero blood in me.

It's going to take a lot to bring this woman down!

_________________

** No, New Kids on the Block did not sing at my graduation. Just our high school Principal, who I think is a used car salesman now.  True Story.

I'm still around... just stressing out is all....

I'm still here everyone...I'm alive...

I think...

yeah, I know I'm alive because my body is making it's mark every day lately.

So, we've been doing this office move & its just as delightful as I thought it would be..

& I'm not sure if the stress of it has gotten to me & the stress of worrying about family being sick & stress of just life at the holidays or what, but I have felt so bad for the past 2 weeks.

I mean BAD!!

I mean no appetite, stomach ache, up in the middle of the night nauseated, feeling like someone is stabbing in the gut, which is always fun,  & always running to the bathroom kinda bad...

I'm hoping it's all stress...

I'm the type of person who is an admitted hypochondriac too so when I get sick & don't recover well, I literally make myself sick... & I am caught up in this right now...

I'm almost to the point where I need to make a doctor's appointment so I can spend a lot of money for them to tell me "You're fine"..

or I need a vacation to Disney... one or the other...

But wanted to drop in & let everyone know I'm still here.

Even if I am green faced & ready to dash to the bathroom at any minute....

Getting back in the swing of things...

Working out...

yeah, I used to be into that...

& then vacation happened... & my back injury again happened & not feeling good happened... & being depressed happened...

& working out has been slacking.

I was starting in the 2nd phase of my P90X3 & feeling great.  & I had every intention of working out on vacation, especially since plans got nixed & we were going to be home.

& then I hurt my back the minute I woke up on the morning of vacation.

& the first thing Ricky said to me, "Don't even think about working out"... & for the first time,  I knew I couldn't.  I usually push myself, working out even when I know I probably shouldn't.  This time, I knew I couldn't. Talk about humbling.  So the whole week was off.

& then the time changed.

Let me tell you. I sink into a deep depression when the time changes. I know its coming & I try to fight it, but when its dark at 5:30, I just want to put on PJ's & hide & go to bed. I cop the attitude of "I don't care about life"

... & then for the past 4 weeks, my stomach has been a mess. Like a MESS...

I used to have issues with IBS but when I gave up meat about 3 years ago, I haven't had one problem with it.  I don't know if my issues now are related to IBS or what is going on, but its a lot of feeling nauseated, stomach pains, nothing fun.

& then we're moving at work.  I don't even want to talk about it. I'm so depressed about this whole work issue.  Add work depression on top of darkness depression & its a perfect storm of depression

So what do I do now - because I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.  I want to let working out be my antidepressant - which is hard at first... but I'm getting that kick in my butt to get back at it.

I'm not sure whether to pick up in the 2nd part of my P90X3...
or do I start at the beginning?

I did my old T25 last night just to get a good sweat & some cardio going.

My heart rate was up in the 150's... my heart was saying, "Wow, its been awhile since I pumped"

& Tuesday, I did the best antidepressant work out - I just put in "Just Dance" in my Xbox & moved for 55 minutes...

I think I'm going to just play out 2014 by ear...
Do what I can do...
move however I can move...

praying my back & knee take a turn for the better & that my mood picks up...

& praying I don't end up an extra 20 lbs heavier by the start of 2015...

Where's the weigh-in post?

I realize I was supposed to do my weigh in post yesterday...

& then stepped on the scale... the week after vacation... the week after being injured & not working out for almost 2 weeks...

Yeah... you could imagine ...

& I just sort of didn't care

My uncle just found out he has pancreatic cancer.  This is a man who is healthy & fit for a 63 yr old man.  He hikes to the top of the Smoky Mountains... he plays with his grandchildren... he's thin...

& then one day, BAM!  A diagnosis of pancreatic cancer...

& they went to do surgery yesterday to remove the tumor in his pancreas. & then opened him up & found it had spread to his liver... so they closed him back up.  & now they are putting time limits on his life & giving him options if chemo will help...

it's all surreal...
it's all numbing..
it all ticks me off

I hate cancer.

So really, I don't even care about my weight

Gain, loss... who cares..
I am healthy today...

even if my pants are a little tighter...

Sometimes life throws things at you that puts important things in perspective.

What that scale says doesn't matter.

It's waking up another day
enjoying another day
moving another day
living another day

Suck it scale...
suck it cancer...

________________

All the gloom & sadness... I find that laughter is the best medicine... so I'm posting this to lighten things up... since my scale isn't lightening up... ba-da-dum...

19 years...

Now that I do wedding photography, the average ages of my brides are in their early 20's.

Sometimes I look at them & think, you are too young to get married.

I can say that now that I'm in my 40's... but I was that 23 year old bride.

I was a 23 yr old bride.... with a small waist....

Today, Ricky & I have been married 19 years. 

Going into 2 decades.

How did that go by so fast?

When you're 23, I don't think you really understand what lays ahead.

I mean its so exciting & I did understand that this meant forever... but its the little things.

Its really knowing how tough marriage is
... how wonderful marriage is

... knowing you have a person on your side in everything
... knowing you have a partner in the hard times
... knowing you have a friend to celebrate in the good
... knowing you have a shoulder to cry on when you need to
... knowing you have a hand to hold through every day

It's so easy to say... but so different to live...

I think in the end, its knowing you have someone to grow old with...

& here we are 19 years later....

we're not over the hill yet... though some days it feels like it with all the aches & pains...

but we still have a long path to go... God willing...

we'll continue to grow older together... continue to live Happily Ever After...

So really, the more I think about it, I am thankful for young brides... it just gives more of a lifetime to share together...

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband...

Next year - 20 years!! I already told my husband he better start planning a Disney trip right now!
I want my 20th anniversary in the Beast's castle... 

I'm nothing but a demanding wife ;) ... no comment on that one Ricky... no comment! ;)