Thursday, January 29, 2015

Reality sucker punched me....

I'm currently reading a book to be reviewed for a publishing company.

It's about a girl who was overweight her whole life & how she realized her problems & got control over her life.

She's talking about being a teenager & how no boy will ever want to date her, how miserable she is shopping because no clothes fit her, how uncomfortable she is going to places & fitting in chairs & being in crowds... Just how miserable life is in general.

... & then she says her weight...

& I'm like DEAR SWEET LORD....

I'm 2 lbs heavier.

What the f?

& don't bring up the subject of height. I'm actually 1 inch SHORTER then her.  So I'm shorter & heaver ( 1 inch - 2 lbs)

.... I sat & stared at those words over & over again - probably for 5 minutes.

She was making her life sound so miserable that I was envisioning someone at 300 lbs or bigger - someone that you see on TLC with that show, "My 600 lb life"...

But she's me.

Would it be strange to say that I literally couldn't breath for a minute & my eyes started tearing up.


Yes, I know I'm at my heaviest right now. 
Yes, I know I have a hard time finding clothes that fit just like I like.
Yes, I know I hate pictures of me from certain angles because of my round face.

But I didn't feel like I was miserable... until I read this girl being miserable... at my weight.

& then I felt really miserable.

Reality just sucker punched me... hard


I then thought of all the things I've been feeling wrong about my body lately.

My joints hurt more.
This side pain won't heal up.
My clothes are feeling so snug & uncomfortable lately.
I get breathless a lot faster.
I can't hardly run anymore.
My low back pain & knee pain...

All of this would SURELY be better with less weight on me.

Now, this isn't a post that says I wanted to slink into a corner & never come out... though I did have about a 30 second pity party...

but it immediately made me think the opposite.

My life needs to change.

I realize now more then ever that my eating habits need to change.
My life habits need to change.
I need to really focus more on my health.

Granted - I feel like I am more keenly aware of food & nutrition then most people.  But I will say, I also know my metabolism is pretty much junk & hates me.  That just means I have to make MORE changes.  Fight a little harder.

I'm fired up to do just that....

I'm not even sure how that's going to work yet.  What sort of plan I need.  What sort of changes I need to fully incorporate.

Maybe its just a few small changes at a time.  Maybe its a full life haul. I don't know.
I'm really going to read about some things, take note of things, pray about it.

I just know I don't like being sucker punched... I don't want it to happen again.

I never want to read a story of someone who is miserable because they are fat... only to find out they are smaller then me...

never again.


  1. Sucker punches are no fun :( I know you can make the changes you want to though and if you need a cheering squad I'll be the captain!

  2. One thing that you have that the girl in the book probably didn't have is an AMAZING support system. Once you put yourself in the mindset to do it, I know you will achieve your goals! Hang in there!

  3. Some people will just be miserable. I'm learning that our feelings towards things is a choice and that's really really hard for me. When I was 50 lbs lighter than I am now I remember hating my stomach. It was my problem area, always has been. Today, 50 lbs heavier, I still hate my stomach and it's still my problem area but instead of standing in front of the mirror nitpicking it, I'm just going to do what I do and if it gets smaller, cool. If not, well then I have a problem area like the rest of the world. If you're like me I know you're probably thinking "OMG I have problem AREAS! Not just one!" Yep, also true for me. But attitude and perspective is huge. Just because she's miserable as "you" doesn't mean you have to be. Does she have Ricky? Cute dogs? A porch she can sit on and read? I'm glad you're working on yourself but don't let how someone else feels determine how YOU feel about YOU.

    .....apparently I have on my therapist hat today ;)

  4. Great that you are committing to healthy changes, which will surely have so any positive improvements in your life. I lost weight & have maintained that loss through Weight Watchers, which I highly recommend. It is not about dieting or deprivation--you can actually eat whatever you want--but about how to have a healthy lifestyle & make good choices. Also, to make you feel better, please visit the My Body Gallery website. You can see photos of women who are your height& weight & you'll see how different everyone looks. Body shapes are so different, and one women's weight can look heavy on her & skinny on another body shape.

  5. good for you for turning this positive - but don't forget everyone views themselves differently. i imagine that i am taller and weigh less than you and that girl - but i have felt that miserable and that sucker punched and horrible most of my life. i really think you've turned it into a positive thing, but don't rely too much on how other people view themselves as an indication of how you view yourself.. because then you end up like me ;)

  6. I agree with Kristen - if this was the wake-up call you needed to realize that you really are miserable, then good for you for turning that into something positive and taking charge. But if you weren't miserable before someone of your same height and weight essentially told you you should be, then that's no good. Just because that girl doesn't like herself doesn't mean you can't like yourself the way you are! And as others have said, the same numbers don't even look the same from person to person - everyone is built a little bit differently. With that said, all the physical things you listed do sound like they would bother you a lot less if you made some positive changes. You got this!

  7. I always try not to compare myself to someone else, for that very reason. Once we start doing that, we can get too caught up in the misery of it all, and problems that we didn't have before, are now inching in our mind.
    I am a big fan of making single small changes at a time. If I do something drastic, or start to use the horrible scary bad four letter word "diet" it immediately throws my brain into the, "I'm hungry" even if its only been an hour. I like small changes that can be incorporated into lifetime changes.
    I saw a book at the library once, it was something along the lines of "How to feel good about yourself, and have the life you want when your not perfect." It wasn't the title, but the pictures on the front and back of the book and throughout as I thumbed through. Here was a woman, crazy rich with perfect pictures of her and her family, on yachts and lavish vacations, and a home that could easily fit my neighborhood in it. I threw it back onto the shelf, and told the lady next to me, ya this is exactly who I want advice from, a rich lady and her family on their yacht...telling me whoa is me, I only have 1 yacht not two, LOL
    But ya I guess the point is, even someone who looks like they have everything, still has problems. I think happiness has to be found and we have to like ourselves and our lives first. If you aren't happy, then go for it make any changes needed so you can feel fabulous and love your life!!!!

  8. I agree with Rennay. That girl could be unhappy at her current size, but she could be just as unhappy at a different size. I think it's fantastic that you want to make a change and take control, but please don't do it because some numbskull wrote it in a book. She could just be a miserable person all around.

  9. Well, noting all those pains means that you only have something to work with and build from, in order to become an even better and more attractive person. Don't furrow your eyebrows too much with regard to all those aches. They're just a part of a growth process. Just as long as you are keeping up with the proper treatments to deal with, then you needn't worry too much. Anyway, I hope you are feeling good and doing good. All the best!

    Jacqueline Hodges @ Dr. Koziol


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