Wednesday, December 17, 2014

This is sad to admit...

Tis the season...

I think I have said that 100 ZILLION times in the past few weeks.

Used in different ways.

"The lights are so beautiful"... tis the season.  Good way
"I am broke as a twig under an elephant's foot"... tis the season.  Bad way.

We've also been in gear for Christmas parties & get togethers.  Tis the season. 

... & I'm not sure if using that term in that way is a good or bad.

It's always good because I love seeing people & spending time with some I don't see any other time of the year...

... but its bad as well..

& this is where its just sad to admit.

Nothing bad due to seeing others.  Again, I'm a people person. I love chatting it up with others.

It's bad because of the way I feel.

I am embarrassed.

Of myself.

That is VERY sad to admit.

We have the hubs work Christmas party this weekend.  I don't even want to go.  Why?  Because I have nothing that fits.  Nothing pretty.  Nothing that is festive & cute.  Everything I have is snug or ranks in the area of comfy jeans or yoga pants.  Not quite Christmas party material.

Ricky says he doesn't care what I wear... but I do...

These are people that he works with. I want to make a good impression for him.  I have a fear people would be whispering behind his back, "Did you see his wife?" with a snicker or laugh.

I guess I just have a fear of being that embarrassingly fat wife... & that's what I feel like right now.

I see all of these posts & pictures of people going to parties looking so beautiful & stylish ... & I just envision myself in work pants, flats (because God knows I'm not walking in heels in snow & ice) & an ugly Christmas sweater. I might as well put on a Grinch costume... I'd look sexier in it...

Think this could work?

I'm going to see some people that I haven't seen in a few years coming up, & I have the same fear... they're going to see the weight gain... & again, I'm embarrassed.

I'm just being real...

It irks me that I feel this way. 

I am a talker.  I am told over & over that I make others feel comfortable because of my personality.  I don't know why the idea of what I am wearing or how I look should affect that... but it does... at least in my mind.

So will I end up going to his Christmas party this weekend?.. it's just to be determined...

& don't even ask me what I'm wearing...


  1. aw honey, everyone feels like this i reckon. just because you see photos of them looking awesome and stylish doesnt mean they feel good about themselves. especially this time of year with all the food i reckon. but you are an amazing, kind, friendly, hilarious person! focus on that, and how happy you make people when you're happy!

  2. Oh Rebecca, it breaks my heart to hear this. I count myself to be among those lucky enough to have gotten to know you this past year and it's not because of the number on the scale or the size pants that you wear! I understand not feeling good about yourself as I use to feel like that when I had to meet my husband's co-workers and clients at work events. I will pray for you that you gain confidence and a sense of being comfortable with yourself. You wear those yoga pants if you have to but style them up with a flashy pair of flats and a gawdy christmas broach..haha. And P.S people are too caught up with themselves to whisper about others. I've learned that they really don't care. It's all in our heads! Good luck to you. -M

  3. Awww :( I hate this! I know this feeling and I'm so sorry you are feeling that way! You know it's a mental thing and the other people there are not even paying attention. I mean do you notice if another wife has gained weight from the previous year? No, You are the cutest and I'm so glad you went and won some moolah!! Heyyyy!! Love your face!
    xo Krissy @ Sneakers and Sequins


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